Gin and Perrier and the ambiguity of a Tom Waits line

Or of wanting it? There would then be cruelty without anyone having been cruel. No crime, no possible incrimination or recrimination, no judgement, no right. Cruelty there is. Cruelty there will have been, before any personal figure, before "cruel" will have become an attribute, still less anyone's fault.
Without allibi? No "crime wihout a suspision of cruelty", really?
[B]etween, on the one hand, the murder that consists in killing the other, in him-or herself or in oneself, and, on the other hand, what is commonly called suicide, or the crime against oneself.
- Am I somehow to blame for this impossibility (...)?
- No, of course not, it's in the language. You inherit it.
- Yes I am, on the contrary; look what I am doing with this inheritance. I'm betraying the truth.
- Is the allibi still avoidable? Is it not already too late? [1]

Shall I, am, again?
Two death - and to stop loving and being lovable,
That is the real death, The other is little beside it. [2]

[1] J. Derrida, 'Psychoanalysis Searches'
[2] Ezra Pound 'Impressions of Francois-Marie Arouet (De Voltaire)'